Is It OK To Use Force To Stop Someone Assaulting His Wife?

Rainman

Rainman

Well-Known Member
A man in our town was arrested for knocking out a few teeth from a man who was beating up his wife. He's a neighbor and when he heard the woman screaming in the next apartment, he went over to help, tried talking to the man but when he [the man] proved to be someone whose intent was violence, he taught the ruffian a few things about violence. He then had the wife call the cops and next day, cops are at his door slapping handcuffs on his wrists.

Question: should one merely call cops and let husband and wife duke it out until the cops arrive?
 
The problem with getting involved in 'domestics', is the wife will often choose not to press charges, and will also side with the husband. My ex husband once got involved when we saw a man getting violent with his partner in the street. My ex stepped in, and immediately got a torrent of abuse from the woman -"That's MY MAN. Leave him alone!". Crazy.

I recently called the police when I witnessed a drunk man hitting his girlfriend outside my house. They had left before the police arrived but I gave a statement. The problem again was that the woman decided not to press charges, so I was left with the stressful prospect of having to attend court as a witness. The woman took him back, and they're still together, so I will be seen as 'the bad one' for trying to help.

You can't win. Try to help, get no thanks.

If I was a big enough guy to handle a potentially violent situation, I would still try to step in though, despite everything I've just said.
 
Rubydust, I've experienced that exact thing so many times in my life. It's ridiculous how often they either get mad at you for 'interrupting' or siding with the guy who just hit them in the mouth or tell the cops it was MY fault when they show up. However, the times where my interceding worked out for the better outweigh the many other times it did not. I'd have a hard time living with myself if my neighbour was beaten to death & I knew she was being beat. Sometimes the police don't get there fast enough. I've changed how I interact in those situations though: I do not physically touch the husband or wife. I'll step in between them & hope the police get there before it escalates to where they touch me. Also, siding with the abuser can sometimes work to your advantage until the police get there. He might think you understand why beating his wife is alright. Maybe hang around after they take him off & try to talk some sense into her.

Is it 'okay'? That kind of depends on your stance. Assault is always illegal even if you were doing it for the right reason. If the husband is not attacking you-legally you should contact the authorities & do what you can to help but not to a physical extent. Allegedly....
 
Sounds like one should not try to involve themselves in such conflicts if they can avoid it. When someone's life is danger then it is the right time to step in? I suppose next time I see a husband and wife beating each other up, it would be much better to watch the action from the sidelines and only step in if one of them overpowers the other.
 
JoanMcWench said:
Rubydust, I've experienced that exact thing so many times in my life. It's ridiculous how often they either get mad at you for 'interrupting' or siding with the guy who just hit them in the mouth or tell the cops it was MY fault when they show up. However, the times where my interceding worked out for the better outweigh the many other times it did not. I'd have a hard time living with myself if my neighbour was beaten to death & I knew she was being beat. Sometimes the police don't get there fast enough. I've changed how I interact in those situations though: I do not physically touch the husband or wife. I'll step in between them & hope the police get there before it escalates to where they touch me. Also, siding with the abuser can sometimes work to your advantage until the police get there. He might think you understand why beating his wife is alright. Maybe hang around after they take him off & try to talk some sense into her.

Is it 'okay'? That kind of depends on your stance. Assault is always illegal even if you were doing it for the right reason. If the husband is not attacking you-legally you should contact the authorities & do what you can to help but not to a physical extent. Allegedly....
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You're very brave. I don't think I would ever physically intervene. I did get in between two people fighting before, and ended up being hit in the crossfire, so I wouldn't be doing that again. Almost always, there is alcohol involved, and no amount of reasoning will help in those cases to diffuse the situation.

In the future, I wouldn't even want to be an official 'witness' in such cases. I would make an anonymous call to the police, nothing more.
 
The problem with domestic violence is that usually the only eye witness is the partner/spouse of the guy. Who do you think she will press charge on? You or him? I am not trying to be mean, but the women who let this happen (repeatedly) aren't so bright in the first place. They don't think straight, or they would have left the guy the first time it happened. So don't count on the intelligence of these eye witnesses to do you any justice.

You can try to stop domestic violence, but it is the best not to use violence to stop it. What you can do is to try get between the two of them or try to hold the guy in a non-violent and friendly way. If the guy shows aggression against you, at least do not attack the guy before he attack you. If you hit back after the guy hit you, you could have at least claimed self-defense during trying to stop the guy hitting the woman. But if you started the fighting between the two of you (the punches he threw at the woman don't count), it is a lost case the moment you started attacking. However, as we have gone through this... the only eye witness is her. She will very likely side with him when he lost the fight or get injured.

The best way to stop domestic violence is to intimate the guy.
Once I was taking a walk, I saw a guy was yelling and pulling back and forth with a woman. I thought it could be a robbery, so I stepped forward and asked what's up. The guy turned around and found me to be at least 5" taller than him (I am not that big, it's just him who was small lol). Somehow he thought I was a plain cloth cop (perhaps he thought no one but a cop would butt in), and he immediately showed me his ID and said the woman was his wife and they were just arguing. Anyway, after the woman confirmed his story, the two of them walked separated ways. So what's left for me to do? Nothing, I walked away too and hope the woman wasn't dumb enough to follow him again.

When something happens like the OP mentioned, you should always call the cops first and in my opinion it is the best ask on the phone if you could try to stop the violence before the cops arrive. If you get the "go" from the 911, then at least you have more "legit" reason to step in.
 
I think what happened in this case was that their was no proof that the husband had been beating the wife. She probably denied it and said the guy just punched her husband during an argument. It's not illegal in most places to use violence to protect yourself or others.

Honestly the guy messed up though. He should not have inserted himself into the situation like that. He would have been much better off calling the cops. If he could hear the guy beating the woman than they would be able to too.
 
honestly, you should always intervene if it bothers you. picture someone hitting or mother or sister, and tell me what you would do. sometimes people need to be saved from themselves, as they simply do not know any better. no one should ever be physically attacked no matter the reason.
 
Well, if you think that what's happening next door has already taken out of hand. I mean, if it's already a matter of life and death, and you're becoming disturbed about it. I think you really have to intervene now.
 
You always have to call the police first and if you must or feel intervention is necessary then you can use minimal force to defend the other party but not to attack. Knocking out a few teeth would have required excessive force and legally it would have been assault. Domestic violence is tough as I have a friend who goes back and forth, she reports him and then retracts. We, as her friends have decided that she must end up in hospital for her to act, it sounds cruel, but it's the only way.
 
I think we should use force to prevent other person from being assaulted of course, physical integrity comes first and we should defend innocent people.
 
It's very tempting to intervene - I know I couldn't just sit there and let something like this happen. The potential consequenses are immense though so it's probably better to resist the urge to go round there and just call the cops instead.
 
rubydust said:
You're very brave. I don't think I would ever physically intervene. I did get in between two people fighting before, and ended up being hit in the crossfire, so I wouldn't be doing that again. Almost always, there is alcohol involved, and no amount of reasoning will help in those cases to diffuse the situation.

In the future, I wouldn't even want to be an official 'witness' in such cases. I would make an anonymous call to the police, nothing more.
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Unfortunately that is what they called getting involved in the center of the fight. I would be careful just throwing yourself into the fray.
 
Why even cops hate to get involved in domestic disputes they turn nasty, and often the victim turns on the cop. Probably it would have been better if the guy just called 911. If it is a family domestic dispute you might have the entire family attacking you.

The victim usually is codependant and needs to get mental therapy. It is a disorder where both the abuser and the abused are caught in a vicious circle.
 
I can't recall the last time I used force, but I would for sure use force to defend myself or other people, including my wife. It's an instinctive response I think though.
 
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