What to do when you witness domestic violence?

[Ricardo187]

All right, I was on the supermarket parking with my mother when I started hearing an argument between a wife and husband, both gypsies. (Not trying to be racist there, but in Europe Gypsies are known to do violence and revenge and such, therefore considered as dangerous to mess with.) The man started spitting on his wife and even slapping her. She was crying and screaming back, and ended up entering the van.

I admit I was quite afraid and didn't know up to what point I am legally allowed to take action so I didn't do anything, which I feel bad for.

 

[Doulachic79]

Honestly, I think the best thing to do in this situation is to call the authorities and stay away from the altercation. If the man were to turn on you, then there is another situation you have to deal with. Unfortunately, domestic situations aren't handled in the favor of the woman. Both parties are given equal blame. I don't like that because I've been in that situation once or twice and the witness who called the police was on the side of the ex. And the police did not let me go to the hospital for a broken finger, treated me pretty poorly.

 

[bala]

If i were you i would call up the authorities and ask them to make their presence felt ASAP.It is best to refrain from situations like these because it is a chain reaction and when you try to stop it,there will be another factor that will ignite a series of reactions and @Doulachic79 stated,what if the man turned on you..?

 

[Ricardo187]

Yeah, if he turned on me I'd have to defend myself and that could bring me problems afterwards. It was pretty quick and they was on the leave, so police would never get there on time. A lot of people was looking at it and wondering what to do as well. The worse is that if the women later on refused to press charges, nothing would happen to the husband and she'd be beaten up when home, most likely.

 

[Kate]

I was in a situation something like this about two years ago. It was at a small local grocery store and not domestic abuse against a partner, but child abuse. If it had been physical, I may have done something different, but it was verbal... degrading and saying words that no child should hear. The mom was in another line and the dad (maybe boyfriend... I'm still naive enough to think a dad wouldn't say these things to his sons) took the boys to a bench in front of the checkout. Yelling his filth and berating them the whole time while the boys just sat there staring.

I have to say that it haunted me for a while after that day, but I finally made myself think of what the outcome could have been. First and foremost, saying something may have made it even worse for the boys when they got home. Since they were checking out at the same time, I really didn't want to be verbally attacked in the parking lot, or followed. But... not doing anything didn't feel right either because I have a soft spot for kids.

The checkout clerk was giving the man the "evil eyeball" so I made myself think that store personnel would know what to do since they were aware it was happening. I hope they did, although police wouldn't have had time to get there since those people were checked out, too.

Still not sure to this day if it was the right thing to do or not. My hope is that the store manager got the license number and made a report which seems would have been the proper response.

 

[wulfman]

I mean I've seen people fighting , including husband and wife , in public. Best thing is to leave it alone. If it gets to the point where someone is getting hurt then just call the authorities.

 

[askanison]

I had a neighbor Jenny. She was a sweet quiet girl with two adorable little boys 2 and 4, but she couldn't find a nice guy to date for the 5 years i lived next to her. She went through one piece of crap dirtbag after another. It had gotten down to where i could almost with some certainty predict exactly when the slapping around was about to start. First was the loud arguments that lead out onto the drive as he or she got in the car and peeled out angrily. Then came the late night banging and throwing of various objects. Then came the abuse and violence. Every time i would do the same thing i always did and call the police. Even became friends with the officer who was sent out regularly to check up on the call. It is a cycle i am hoping the poor girl got out of, but in the end someone in that situation has the power to save themselves if they just only would.

 

[Kate]

I'm glad that you did the right thing for Jenny by reporting what you saw and heard. I thought when you started the story that you were going to say that something happened to Jenny... so I'm glad it didn't (as far as you know.)

Yes, someone in that situation has the power to save themselves, but there is often more going on than we can see or hear about. There's often emotional abuse going on at the same time, and the victim has been threatened with awful things happening to them or the children (or family members) if they leave.

Emotional abuse also involves being told things like no one else would ever want them and equally as harmful things. It's more often than not a lot deeper than a simple matter of "packing up and leaving."

 

[Profit5500]

Honestly, I think the best thing to do in this situation is to call the authorities and stay away from the altercation. If the man were to turn on you, then there is another situation you have to deal with. Unfortunately, domestic situations aren't handled in the favor of the woman. Both parties are given equal blame. I don't like that because I've been in that situation once or twice and the witness who called the police was on the side of the ex. And the police did not let me go to the hospital for a broken finger, treated me pretty poorly.

Man I feel your pain I know that the victim suffers no matter what occurs. Its just that it depends on what evidence is there for the cop and if the cop cares. Even if you were defending yourself its hard to get out of a domestic violence situation.

 

[mroman3]

I feel like you would know when you need to call authorities. An uncomfortable feeling is very different from an "Oh my gosh, someone needs to stop that because he/she will get hurt" feeling. If you truly think something is going to happen, then authorities is the right call. If you're still hesitant, maybe you should hold off until you can make that split second decision without hesitation.

 

[wulfman]

anybody know a case where a wife abused her husband ?

 

[bala]

Stand up and go intervene and try to stop it if possible and we have every right to intervene if it happens in public because it a public nuisance.I would try to split them up and resolve it peacefully,lest if it goes overboard,then surely the cops.Most problems happen only in a fit of a rage and once you pacify them,it dies down automatically.

 

[Ricardo187]

Stand up and go intervene and try to stop it if possible and we have every right to intervene if it happens in public because it a public nuisance.I would try to split them up and resolve it peacefully,lest if it goes overboard,then surely the cops.Most problems happen only in a fit of a rage and once you pacify them,it dies down automatically.

Well I'm pretty sure that I'd get into a fist fight with the man if I ever tried to split them, or even say something. That, if I wouldn't be stabbed or even shot.

 

[PhilA]

It really is best if you try to stay out of it in my opinion. The person being hit have the ability to do something about it themselves, unless they are battered too badly.

I would only even call the police if there was a serious injury inflicted, otherwise if the person does not want to press charges you can get yourself wrapped up in a bad situation.

 

[ciorex]

Unless you think its gonna turn really violent (like bodily harm violent), just mind your own business and move along. Or you could take the highground and intervene, which apropo is a verry good way to get shot or stabbed in the face.

 

[Ricardo187]

I have to agree with that, yeah. If the victim doesn't want to press charges after you've done something about it, you'll be the one getting sued, most likely.

 

[Kate]

anybody know a case where a wife abused her husband ?

Yep, bashed his head with a household appliance while standing on the balcony and pitching it over at him. Never even saw it coming. He ended up in ER and then a hospital admission and she got away without more than a little questioning and saying she didn't know he was down there... although she'd been holding a conversation with him at the time.

 

[Profit5500]

Yep, bashed his head with a household appliance while standing on the balcony and pitching it over at him. Never even saw it coming. He ended up in ER and then a hospital admission and she got away without more than a little questioning and saying she didn't know he was down there... although she'd been holding a conversation with him at the time.

Sounds like the wife needs some mental therapy. How is the hubby doing after that violent incident? If he ended up in the ER then it really was that bad.

 

[Kate]

Sounds like the wife needs some mental therapy. How is the hubby doing after that violent incident? If he ended up in the ER then it really was that bad.

Yes, absolutely, Profit5500... it was bad, yes, and if I recall correctly (it was a few years ago) there were anger management classes involved for her. Worst part is that their little girl saw it and kept looking at her dad's head for "more blood" for a long time after that.

 

[Ricardo187]

Wow that story is freaking. She shouldn't just get away that easily because she says she didn't know he was there. So why did she throw something anyway? It's kind of a broken story.